Clarity today

For those of you who may be new to this blog, my husband — who is suffering from depression and is now in treatment — is my second husband, not the man about whom I wrote the book. My current husband is not abusive. He’s kind and caring, and he adopted my daughter when she turned 18.

On my way home from work today, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that the recent conversation with my husband was significant in many ways, but one reason stands above the rest: if my husband is not able to hear me speak honestly and openly about problems we have, then he is not the right man for me. He did well the other day, and I’m hoping that’s a sign of things to come.

Coming through trauma therapy changed me for the better. I’m not the same woman he married almost 16 years ago. I’m a much better version of myself: someone who refuses to subjugate my feelings and needs, period.

He’s not the same man I married 16 years ago, either. He fell into depression, lived there for upwards of a decade, and is now coming out of it.

I don’t know exactly who he is now, or who he’ll be once he finishes treatment.

But I do know this: I know exactly what I need in a husband/partner. Among many things, I need to be with someone who can listen to me speak my mind, who isn’t timid when it comes to hearing the truth — even if it’s ugly. For me, it’s the only way to truly connect with another person.

Today, thanks to a lot of great therapy and hard work on my part, I’m secure in myself and in my needs. For the first time in my life, I really know what I want in a life partner, and I believe I can be an equal participant in a relationship.

I love my husband, and I hope things work out between us and that we can connect in the ways that matter to both of us.

But I have no fear at all, either way this goes.

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