I did what I said I would do, which is confront someone — my husband, actually. I told him how I was feeling, and he listened. More importantly, he heard me. I hope we can rectify the situation in which we now find ourselves. He told me everything will be OK, and I really want to believe him.
Last night, I went out of my comfort zone again. I attended a fun outdoor movie event (pictured here) with some women I met through a friend. I had to fight against feeling guilty for being out at night without my husband. It’s really hard for me to tell where this feeling is rooted. I think it’s rooted, still, in the domestic violence I dealt with in my first marriage. But I am trying very hard to improve — save, really — my current marriage, and I keep wondering if time away from my husband is a good idea, even in small doses.
The thing is, I really enjoyed myself last night. And it wasn’t because my husband was at home, and not with me. It was just ME, enjoying myself and being in that moment, which is so difficult for me to do.
This may sound silly, but I don’t want to end up feeling like Terry Malloy in the movie: “I coulda been somebody.” I want to be somebody, too.