Living proof

Photo by me
Photo by me

I never thought I would feel the way I do today.

On the surface, my life looks a tad … disheveled. I’m in a job I don’t really like. I’m starting a new business venture on the side, which means that I’m working many, many hours every week without much financial reward to show for it yet.

My marriage is unstable, although just this past week I gained tremendous clarity on what the core problem is, at this point. (It relates to the effects of my husband’s depression, rather than the illness itself.)

But the miracle is that I feel peaceful inside. I’m not fearful of anything. I used to be afraid, for example, of having debt. Now it doesn’t scare me. I see it as a way to propel myself forward rather than a way to hold me back, professionally. I’m using it as a catalyst, and when the debt is gone, I’ll never have it again. I know that to my core.

I’m also changing the way I feel about money, in general. No more hiding under this debt. No more fear of success. Now I want people to know who I am and what I can do for them as a professional. And I want to get paid what I deserve to get paid.

I’m not fearful of my marriage ending, if that’s what has to happen. Of course it would be sad, and it would take me a while to collect myself and move forward. But I know I could do it.

Without fear in my life, I have peace and stability. I’m like a stone at the bottom of a lake. While the surface may be churning, I’m calm and centered. Nothing can move me. Nothing.

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