I bought a great training program that shows you the ins and outs of Kindle publishing, and something the guy says in one of the audio recordings keeps staying with me. He says that to do this, you simply have to start, and then keep chipping away at it, day after day, until you reach your goals.
I really like this image, for two reasons. First, my mother was a wood carver, and I have fond memories of her chipping away at her creations. I can still hear the sound of her sanding the wood, and then using the tools to create these beautiful wood curls. And then, there’s this notion of being the person holding the tools instead of the thing being shaped.
For my entire adult life, I have thought of myself as the creation. It’s part of what happened to me as a result of the trauma. My sense of “agency” over my own life was destroyed. It’s just been in the past year that I’ve actually learned that I do have some control over my life and how it’s shaped.
Now, I am the creator AND the creation. I’ll just chip away, chip away at the raw materials until I reach my goal: a better version of myself that really feels alive, every single day.
I wish I had felt this way for all of my 51 years instead of just the 51st year. But all I have is right now. So even though I cry about this fact often, and I grieve for all the decades I lost to the trauma, I know it’s something I must learn to live with if I’m truly going to be a whole person.