Backward = forward

Today, I started a new job, which is actually my old job that I left 3-1/2 years ago.

It’s one of the few times in my life where going backward actually means I’m going forward. How is this possible?

I’ve spent the last 3-1/2 years working in an extremely challenging work environment, culminating in a department where bullying is the norm. It’s bad enough for someone without a history of severe trauma to deal with bullying and severe daily stress, but for me, it has been emotionally and even physically devastating.

Thanks to the kindness and love of a good friend/colleague, whom I first met when I was in this role previously, I was asked to come back. Today is my first day in my new/old job, and it’s been the easiest first day ever. Familiar and friendly faces, fun work projects, nice work environment.

Honestly, it feels like I’ve been let out of prison. Or thrown a life line. Or been given a second chance. Name the cliche’, and that’s how it feels.

But the biggest reason it feels like a step forward is because now, with a really good 9-to-5 setup, I feel free.

Ironic, right? Working 9-to-5 but feeling free?

My mind is free: free to pursue my entrepreneurial goals during the rest of my time, which I’m doing actively every single day. Free to pursue my physical goals of regaining my health by going back to the gym. Free to pursue my emotional goals of (nearly) eliminating stress in my daily life and tuning in to my own voice consistently. (More on this last point in an upcoming post, something that can be very helpful to trauma survivors.)

Yes, I’m in a cubicle. But for the first time in my life, I don’t care. I feel free.

Correction: I AM FREE.


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