Major PTSD symptom rears its ugly head

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I have severe — and I do mean severe — anxiety around paperwork. I’m fine with basic financial things and am good at managing money, but don’t give me a piece of paper and expect me to keep track of it. I simply can’t do it.

If I lose or misplace a piece of paper, ANY piece of paper, I feel like I’m going to faint. I go into a panic, which is happening right now because I need to locate a letter we sent to a bank about a year ago.

It stems from mind games my ex-husband used to play with me all the time. He’d “lose” an important piece of paper and accuse me of misplacing it. I’d search the entire house, top to bottom, looking for it. And then it would magically appear — “Oh, I found it,” he’d say.

But while I was looking for it, he’d be screaming, cursing, calling me names I can’t even write here because they’re so horrible. He’d hover over me, waving his arms around, put his face in my face.

I can’t deal with this anxiety right now over misplacing this letter to the bank.

I have to stop typing this post and go outside for air.

 

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