Sad experience on the subway

I’m taking a break from this blog but wanted to share a troubling experience my daughter and I had yesterday while riding the subway.

I saw a family of four get on the train — a mom, a dad, and two children (a girl about 9, a boy about 11). They were obviously tourists, not sure where they were from. As soon as I saw the mom, I knew something was wrong. She looked like she had zero self-esteem: the way she was dressed, the look on her face, the way she carried herself. Literally INSTANTLY I knew something was wrong.

She and the two kids were sitting, and the dad was standing with his back to me, so I couldn’t see him. I started reading something, and then my daughter said to me, “That man just hit his son!”

I hadn’t seen it, but I also hadn’t seen or heard the son do anything at all that seemed inappropriate. He and his sister and mom were playing a little video game. Not even saying anything.

A moment later, the person who had been sitting next to the son got up, so the dad had a place to sit. As he was sitting down, he slightly bumped his head on the bar (that you hold while the train is moving). He swore like a sailor! And the wife and two kids stopped what they were doing and looked scared to death.

They went back to playing the little video game, and the boy reached out to touch it (the mom was holding it) — just to see it a bit better. The dad said to him, “Stop grabbing!” And the boy pulled his hand back. I figured that must have been what led to him being hit a couple of minutes earlier.

The saddest moment for me of all was right after that: The boy tried to nuzzle against his father’s arm. No response at all from the dad.

I wanted to slip that woman a note, like “You’re worth more than this. And so are your children.” I had to stop myself from doing that, and from saying something to the dad which I knew might only get the family into deeper trouble.

I know I can’t help everyone. I should have done something yesterday, though. I could have given that woman a note without him seeing. Maybe it would have been what she needed to wake up to her situation. Next time, I’ll do something.

Will you?

Taking a brief break

For anyone who is reading this blog, thank you — and please feel free to pass along the website address and info about the book to anyone who might benefit from it.

I will be taking a break here for the next two months or so. I need some focused time to work on a new business venture that is going to make a positive difference in my life.

To anyone who is, or has been, a victim of domestic violence, I hope that my story helps you find some peace about what you’ve experienced. That’s my goal: to help other women realize they’re not alone in what they think and feel, both during and after the abuse itself ends.

I will be checking my email, so you may write to me at iamjustawoman@ymail.com, and I’ll respond personally.

Thank you for the support.

All my best,

Lucy

Birthday coming up

My birthday is this week. I’ll be 51 years old.

After going through the intensive trauma therapy, and coming to grips with the reality of my life situation, I’ve realized how much time — valuable, valuable time — I lost. It makes alternately furious/deeply grief stricken, and determined to make the most of whatever time I have left on this earth.

I’m revamping my work life. I’m taking control of my marriage. I’m renewing my spiritual life. I’m focusing on improving my health.

And I’m doing it all at once. Right now.

Because now is the only time I have. The past is gone. My youth is gone. All I have is today.

I’m not going to let these birthdays bother me. They are what they are. And having another birthday beats the alternative, so bring ‘em on.

Not just dreaming

I read something in a book yesterday that validated what I’ve been doing all these months related to creating a new work situation. I’m still in my 9-to-5 job, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, planning, talking about my own business — and trying to make it happen.

I had been feeling sort of bad about myself because I haven’t been able to launch anything yet. I thought, “I haven’t taken any real action.”

But it’s not true. I have been taking action. I’ve been reading, writing, designing, getting advice, talking … and that IS taking action. I just haven’t sought out any clients yet.

And yesterday, I received a self-taught coaching program I invested in: something I’m excited to try, because I think it will give me the details I need to start and run this new venture successfully.

So I’m not just dreaming about it. I’m working on it. And I have to say, it’s been both exhilarating and frustrating, as well as sad for me. I’m almost 51, and I lost so many years to the abuse I suffered. I feel like I’m starting over, and I can’t afford to waste any time making mistakes.

And that scares me. But I’m pushing ahead anyway, and I know if I can really make this happen — my own business, supporting myself entirely on my own — I will have achieved a huge victory on every level.